Do you remember life before the pandemic? It’s hard, right?

Well, way back in 2019, when life was different, Oprah launched a Wellness tour in conjunction with Weight Watchers (I’m a lifetime WW member, but not the real kind who reached their weight loss goal. Nope, I’ve paid them basically all my life without reaching my goal, but that's a story for another time). The tour was a day-long event held in different large arenas in several cities. Each had a different special guest, which gave them individually a unique feel.

I knew in my heart that I was meant to be there.

There was an inner whisper letting me know that I must attend. Of course, it was quite a bonus when I learned that Michelle Obama would be the special guest on my day. I love her relaxed, confident style. Something about her gives me the vibe that she and I could be friends and that feels good.

It was a cold February day when my cousin and I took an early morning trek into Brooklyn for our day with Oprah and Michelle. As we waited in line, to go through security and enter the arena, there was a buzz in the frigid air. A tangible excitement that I felt running through my veins, keeping me warm while we waited outside.

My sixth sense told me that I was in for a transformative day.

As we entered the building we were handed burlap bags with our materials for the day. I just love opening up a goody bag and discovering what special treats wait inside. There was a workbook we would use during the day, a granola bar, soap and inspirational sayings printed on pretty cards. There were smiling faces everywhere, welcoming us and helping us find our seats.

Music was playing before the program started. It was the kind of music that makes you want to get up and dance. Each note added to the electricity in the air that continued to build as the arena filled up with people (let’s be honest, 95% women) who came to be inspired and knew on some level that something needed to shift in their lives.

Before Oprah appeared, we were led in a series of stretches and dances to get pumped up for the day ahead. We were then asked to introduce ourselves to our neighbors, which felt comfortable because the conversations with the strangers sitting near us were fluid and easy. And then…

Oprah stepped on stage and the crowd went wild.

Like her or not, you can’t argue that she has a presence about her. I couldn’t believe I was sitting there hanging on her every word with 19,000 of my closest friends. Amazingly, it felt very intimate.

The day was filled with Oprah’s personal stories illustrating triumphs and failures. She led us through exercises in our workbook to help us identify what needed to shift in our lives. We heard from several other inspirational speakers, more dancing and we enjoyed a Weight Watcher-friendly boxed lunch. Michelle and Oprah hit the stage together in the afternoon and I felt like I was sitting in their living room with them just listening to them chat like regular girlfriends do. With each new story, idea or concept I heard, my mind began racing at 200 miles per hour, mulling over how I needed to incorporate all that I learned into my life.

And then, the magic happened…

I discovered exactly why I was meant to be there.

It was close to the end of the day and Oprah was on stage alone. It was just her and her microphone, sharing some very honest, heart-wrenching personal stories and then she looked in my direction and seemed to be speaking directly to me when she asked:

“What are you hiding? What secret are you keeping? What is it that you’re not being honest with yourself about?”

“We all have something that we’re not dealing with in our lives,” she continued.

“What is it for you?”

I knew the answer before she had finished asking the initial question.

Several years earlier, this wouldn’t have been the case. You see, I spent most of my life being closed off to the possibility of trying something new or exploring other possibilities... My natural tendency was to think in black and white, not gray. I wasn’t someone who bought into all this “woo woo” stuff. I saw it as a bunch of fluff that people sold to those who needed hope and something tangible to grab onto.

However, I knew better.

My old way of thinking was that “it is what it is” and there isn’t much you can do to change it.

Now, I was ready to change, embracing change, and needed change!

My deep dark secret was that I had a financial issue that I had swept under the rug for a couple of decades. (I will share more on this in a future post as I am still working on it but for now just know it was deep and dark.) Oh, but I had convinced myself that I had no choice in making some of the decisions that I had made. I had a million excuses that I continuously told myself. This had been an ongoing conversation with me, myself and I for years and I continually let myself off the hook.

After all, it was so much easier not dealing with the problem and hoping a genie or a witch with a magic wand would appear and make it all go away. So I kept rubbing my metaphorical Aladdin’s lamp and pushing any anxiety about the situation down into my internal vault, hoping it wouldn’t make its way back up to the surface anytime soon.

It was clear that the time had finally come. February 8, 2020, was my day of reckoning.

The decisions I needed to make would be difficult but at least there would be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Not a financial pot of gold, but a pot of gold that was filled with relief. The pot of gold was the freedom that addressing the issue head-on would bring. I would no longer be hiding anything from myself and that concept was truly liberating and life-changing.

No more sticking my head in the sand like an ostrich.

Only I have the power to change my life and true change cannot happen unless I’m completely honest with myself about EVERYTHING, not just the easy stuff.

Oprah outed me, but chances are it wasn’t just me. There must have been many others who were living with a secret that was eating away at them.

I was terrified of the decisions that lay ahead but were also intoxicated knowing that I was taking 100% control. I would pay the price now for the decisions or lack of decisions that I had made in the past, but from here on out, no more lying to myself.

So let me be the one to ask you: “What have you been lying to yourself about?”

xo
Debbie